In the real estate world, it doesn’t get more controversial than buyer love letters.

Depending on where you look, these personalized, “pick me” notes that buyers use to sway seller sentiment are either highly effective (Redfin says they increase your likelihood of snagging a house by 52%) or more or less pointless (Zillow agents ranked them dead-last among 376 other homebuying strategies).

Regardless of how effective they are, they also come with potential legal implications, and in one state, they were even banned for a time due to discrimination concerns.

That doesn’t mean they don’t still get used. I’ve written notes to the sellers of both homes I’ve purchased, and when my family sold our first house in 2016, a buyer’s note had a big part in swaying us their way during a bidding war.

While some agents are big proponents of the strategy, touting its ability to make your offer stand out or highlight your interest in the home, others say it’s just not worth the risk.

The Fair Housing Act bars home sellers from discriminating against potential buyers on the grounds of their race, religion, sexual orientation, familial status and other protected characteristics. And many buyer letters include this information by design. It’s often inadvertent, but when a buyer mentions how much her six-year-old loves the property’s massive backyard (familial status) or how his longtime church is within walking distance (religion), these seemingly innocuous details contain more info than a seller is technically allowed to know.

“Sellers might unknowingly make decisions based on these factors, which could be a violation of the law,” says Clint Jordan, a real estate agent and founder of the Mil-estate Network. “Trying to appeal emotionally to the seller can open a whole can of worms emotionally, legally and ethically.”

For this reason, many agents advise their clients against submitting letters. They also discourage sellers from factoring letters they receive from potential buyers in to their decision making process.

“The decision should be based solely on the merits of the offer itself — things like price, terms and contingencies — not on an emotional connection with the buyer,” says Bret Weinstein, CEO and founder of Guide Real Estate in Denver. “If a seller selects a buyer based on personal details, … it could result in a lawsuit.”

When buyer love letters work

Obviously, nobody wants to face a lawsuit or jail time, even for their dream home. But in reality, litigation surrounding this practice is basically nonexistent. The National Association of Realtors says it’s aware of zero lawsuits — in recent history or ever — that have stemmed from buyer love letters. Shaun Pappas, a real estate attorney and partner at Starr Associates LLP, even says, “We have no legal concerns about this practice.”

Many real estate agents feel the same, considering it a low-risk, high-reward strategy that can be a difference-maker in close negotiations.

Take Massachusetts real estate agent and consultant Dana Bull. Bull actually recommends her buyer clients write letters “in most situations,” because they can help otherwise “vanilla offers” stand out, she says. They also give buyers an opportunity explain why there are contingencies on their offer, or another hiccup that might ding their chances.

“We want sellers to know that we have really zoned in on their property, and we are willing to take the extra time and go the extra mile,” Bull says.

Letters can be particularly helpful if you’re in a bidding war, some agents say, and may even help bridge small gaps in pricing if the wording is right.

“Sometimes, a seller may have a strong emotional attachment to the home,” says Lisa Harris, an agent with RE/MAX Center in Braselton, Georgia. “They may prefer a buyer who will appreciate it as much as they have.”

Some buyers benefit more

For certain buyers, letters can be a particularly powerful tool. Veterans and active service members, for example, can usually see benefit in writing a letter, particularly if they’re using a VA loan — which sellers tend to be hesitant about.

“When a veteran is taking advantage of the VA loan, oftentimes, they are coming in with low to no down payment,” Jordan says. “This is startling for sellers. They sometimes feel like there’s no skin in the game and having the letter can provide context that makes people sometimes feel a little bit more at ease.”

Jordan, a retired Air Force fireman who specializes in working with service members, recently had a buyer pen a letter detailing the challenges of his constant military moves — and the impact it’s had on his family.

“The seller — also a veteran — definitely felt that connection and it did play a role in his decision, especially since the offers were very close in price and terms,” Jordan says.

Aside from service members, pet owners, teachers and first responders often get good responses from love letters, too, agents say, as there tends to be some level of respect and admiration there.

If the seller has lived in the home a long time, letters can help there, too.

“Emotion plays a larger role in real estate transactions than it probably should,” Pappas says. “For many people, a house is more than a piece of real estate, it’s a time capsule of their family history.”

How to write a love letter to a seller

If you’re buying a home and do choose to write a note to the property’s sellers, proceed with caution. Talk with your agent about Fair Housing laws, and be careful about what personal details you include in the letter.

“To avoid legal issues, buyers should stick to neutral topics in their letters,” Jordan says. “Talk about the features of the house that you love — the layout, the backyard or how it fits your practical needs. Avoid mentioning personal details like family size, religion or anything that falls under those protected categories.”

If it helps, Bull says to think of the note more like a “cover letter” than a love letter.

“We are not going to get overly personal,” Bull says. “What we want to talk about and focus in this letter are things like why our offer’s great, what we like about your home and our intent to move forward.”

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In the world of real estate, few things are as controversial as buyer love letters. These personalized notes, used by buyers to sway the seller’s decision, are either highly effective or pointless, depending on who you ask. While some agents believe they can increase your chances of getting a house by 52%, others rank them as the least effective homebuying strategy. However, beyond their effectiveness, buyer love letters also come with potential legal implications. In fact, in one state, they were even banned for a period of time due to concerns of discrimination. Despite this, they are still commonly used, with buyers hoping to stand out or show their interest in a property. However, many agents advise against using them, as they can unintentionally reveal personal information that could lead to discrimination. Ultimately, the decision to use a buyer love letter should be based on the merits of the offer, rather than an emotional connection with the buyer. While there have been no reported lawsuits stemming from these letters, it’s important to be aware of the potential risks involved. 

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